25/11/2013

And then it dawned on me that some of us just aren't at liberty to choose the life we want and will never be afforded that liberty. No liberty to choose the career one desires. No liberty to be with the person one loves. It also dawned on me that we can spend a good part of our lives feeling miserable about this fact or we can just go the direction the wind blows and make the best of our misfortunes. Because sometimes the universe's plan for our lives just doesn't run parallel to our dreams and desires..

Dear Self

I realise that it's been some time since you and I last had a serious conversation. For a good part of the last 12 months or so all you and I seem to have been doing is lock ourselves up in my room, cry and drown ourselves in the pool of self pity and misery only to turn around and do what we do best - smile at the world and just pretend all is well. Not that it's been that bad. You see indeed in every bad there is some good because you and I learned that it is ok to hit rock bottom and just not be strong. That even the strongest like us do feel vulnerable, weak and just downright defeated- and that this is all part of life.

Whilst our situation hasn't improved that significantly (well atleast we have moved on from that heartbreak - such a shame) I'm posting this note to let you know that this morning was the last time you and I were crying over whatever loss and pain we experienced over the last 12 months! No more! I don't know about you but I miss us: the vibrant, optimistic, lively duo who never ever allowed life's disappointments to get in our way. I miss the "us" that had childlike faith in the universe and never ever doubted its Creator's love for us. Hell I even miss the "us" that had such blind faith in love! Self I miss you. I miss how engaged you were with current affairs issues (and a LOT has been happening in that front). How alert you were about global issues nje in general. Since you lost interest in everything and by everything I mean just that, life has been nothing but a misery. Nothing seems to cheer me up like ever! and if this does happen - which is seldom - it just never lasts that long.

Self please come back to me. I need you. We've learned the lessons that needed to be learned it's time to move on! I'm not sure how long you will take to get back together with me but I do hope it happens sooner. Until then I will just have to be strong for the both of us I guess. I am going to live each and every day full of hope, love, praise and gratitude for even the smallest mercies. Kind of like how we used to do.

kaMwelase.

It's Not Just Xenophobia

Here's a link to a policy and practice brief I co-authored with Dr Grace Maina whilst I was serving ACCORD as Programme Officer. The article brief focuses on the trend of burgeoning xenophobia in South Africa and suggests what could be done to contribute to its eradication.

www.accord.org.za/downloads/brief/policy_practice5.pdf

Please feel free to post any constructive commentary in relation to the content contained in the brief.

KaMwelase.

...for God is love

Yet again I stare blankly into my screen, my eyes swelling up with tears, like I did seven months ago. Well another knight in shining armour turns out to be a dork in tin foil (as learned from the #Noteboook).

The only thing that's different this time around is the plug was pulled without any reason being given whatsoever. We attended his friend's wedding weekend before last and three days later we argue over something quite stupid and next thing I know I am no longer his facebook contact and just like that all communication is cut. Yep! You could say I found out on facebook it's over.

And whilst the factors in this break up seem to be consistent with the previous one, I must give the previous ex credit for atleast cooking up a reason for calling it quits (yes he dumped me but as is typical of the "dumper" he wants me back now...unfortunately for him I don't eat puke). Anyway the point of this entry is to reiterate my belief in love. Sure I may be in some era of misfortune when it comes to finding the one who likes me enough to see the beauty I possess even on the inside and the love and fidelity that come with it (or even have the decency to inform me when it's over) but that doesn't stop me from still believing in the greatest gift ever given to humankind: LOVE. To stop believing in it would be, you could say, the death of my soul for my soul is a lover.

Yes I will never stop believing in love for God is love and just as He is the anchor and pillar of my existence, so is love. It really isn't love's fault that the men I have been with aren't strong enough to handle the might and genuity in the love that I possess or is it love's fault that they purpote to be wanting the give and receive it under false pretences only to realise when it's too late that actually in true nature they do need it. That's their problem not mine or love's. Like Lira put it I am born of love and I choose to let it remain in my heart and mind. Joy may not yet have decided to be my friend but love is my pillar.... and it's only a matter of time before joy comes to party.

KaMwelase.

Sometimes the best things are found in the virtual

Most of you will probably give me scornful looks for what you are about to read cause again most of you will pretend like this has or never even happens in your virtual world. And whilst your reaction might be justified (for some odd reason unknown to me) please do this with tact cause this is my testimony and I don't usually give a lot of these!

So where do I begin?...well let's just say so far none of my relations, both plutonic and otherwise, with the opposite sex (I am female by the way) have worked out. The worst being the intimate ones cause somewhere in ancient history probably exists a stone with a damning curse in a bold NOT GONNA FLY engraving on it. And God knows sengigrand ngalokho. And please don't feel bad cause hey as far as I am concerned I can't help it if fools choose to live in ignorance even when depth stares them blankly in the face! And as for my friend-friend males? Well the painful and usually absurd truth is they usually leave me for some thang they met usually after me whose benefits obviously just inherently carry more consistent weight than the one I bring! I'll say power to the you know what right there.

So just when I thought I couldn't win either way with my shameless male peers, and I still do love men, what do you know I "meet" someone with depth on all levels....ONLINE. There I said it! I am in a cyber friendship or whatever. Ok let's clarify two very essential things here: the gender is MALE and though we've met before in person it only lasted three seconds and since one minute encounters are already bad enough, three second ones DON'T count at all! And I must say I find him refreshing, intelligent, easy to talk to, funny and even emotionally and spiritually aware which is a rare commonality with men. And no he is not gay cause sometimes he's still brutal and pushes me to my limits!

Will it last? Who knows? Maybe when we meet again in person the mystery will evaporate leaving us with the disappointing but usually factual deduction that virtual reality is much more glorious than actual reality. But until then, I am going to continue soaking myself in the glory of this friendship. In the virtual world people seldom present their true form but all that matters is for now I can let loose and talk, laugh, share and be educated.

Would love to suggest this friendship to the rest of you but I think I will keep this one all to myself - for now anyway ;)

Moral of the story: not everything is cast and stone. The universe doesn't operate in one dimension. The best things in life are free and surround us everyday. And more importantly not all men are incapable of friendship (I think)!

KaMwelase.

Gallery: Japan hit by earthquake

Gallery: Japan hit by earthquake: "A massive 8.8-magnitude earthquake shook Japan, unleashing a powerful tsunami that sent ships crashing into the shore and carried cars through the streets of coastal towns."

When all has failed...

Juju baby...

Having just survived a emotionally draining patch attending to massive family dramas - both immediate and "adopted" through former affilliation (a classic case of being haunted by the past), it was with such great delight that yesterday morning I woke up to read about your comeback.

For a second there I found my pretty fine self smiling from ear to ear amused at the thought of you heeding the queen's call to save the beloved nation from life! And on Mandela Day!?! Honourable I thought! Wishful thinking doesn't hurt and that is my story!

To my horror, my amusement got to be documented as the most short lived ever! Bantu it seems like discipline school has completely transformed you from worse to worst. Addressing Zille as the "racist girl" was out of order my love. Juju baby it is post the World Cup sthandwa. That which was the norm pre 2010 as many people like to say, is so not the norm anymore. And saying that neither she nor "anything that looks like her" will ever rule the Western Cape again or the country for that matter is just hectic! Calling them ngamlas "things" is not polite! My darims you can't just reduce human beings to objects! It is degrading! Yini vele love bakwenzani kanti ongamla? Talk to your mama. And I don't mean to preach but didn't your grade 1 religious teacher tell you all things human are made in the image of God? or did you bunk class that day? Ok never mind!

Oh and by the way by making such a strong statement, do you mean to imply that the ANC will never have a white female as its top dog? Shoo and I thought the Freedom Charter stipulates that you guys are non-racial and non-sexist!

And before you abandon all things good and calm attained in anger management therapy and start dishing out that which is due to me, I personally am still angry at her city council for building those open air toilets in Khayelitsha. And oh by her I refer to Zille and not your grade 1 teacher. You see I understand full well the serious nature of the companionship that goes on in the toilet. And for in as much as I hate the smell of poop, it really shouldn't be flushed out so openly! Add to that the money that was wasted unnecessarily due either to improper planning or breakdown in communication (the council contends the Makhazi community agreed to enclose the toilets themselves). Does she think money falls from trees?

Anyway that is done and dusted now so moving along my darimz your statement that COPE is led by drunkards -your words not mine - is both pretty interesting and enticing. Phela yours trully absolutely loves good whiskey and is a firm believer in the notion of distribution of wealth and freebies (well that is if they still even have any penny left to spare after somebody decided to help himself to a full R20 million!). So hun do you think they would feature me in their drinking plans or you wanna keep me all to yourself? Ok ngiyadlala you and I coming together would result in torched houses, two hot heads should never mix! sorry to burst your bubble...

But is that all you could come back with after such a long period of silence? Ayi khona and thank God discipline school was free cause if the opposite was the case I'd say you were short-changed! But then again for any substance to materialise there should be a presence of some grey matter. And wena baby you are...let's just say beyond repair! Add to that the scary fact that SA suffers serious lack of skilled educators! No offence to your tutor Tony (I wonder if he is aware Mercedes is launching some new ML range pretty soon...) Shame nunu maybe you are just a victim of circumstance, I don't know.

Anyway I gotta run and oh did I congratulate you on getting your call for the nationalisation of mines on the ANC's September policy conference agenda? Probably not! How rude of me! Congrats though I still wonder to which people is the nationalisation of mines beneficial. School me papa..

Later!

kaMwelase.